So, anyone can tell you, that I have had my moments, where I was "addicted" to certain things…. Sleeping pills, alcohol, weed, coke, acid, the list goes on and on. However, Drama became my biggest addiction. I would instigate, probe, lie, steal, cheat, all to create drama. To be able to act as the victim that I truly was for so many years, yet for fear, was never allowed to live out. There were many, many occasions where I would provoke a boyfriend to rage, until he would beat me, then I could finally be a victim. I liked the attention. I liked that people listened to me. I liked it so much, I would continually allow the abuse, not realizing, or perhaps not even caring what kind of emotional or mental affects these beatings would have on me. I didn't care about my life. No more than I cared about having a drug overdose, or driving while drunk. In the back of my mind, I wanted to be beaten to death. To end the torment of this "life" that I lived. I felt so alone in a room full of people. Like I was the only one there…..I created my mental and emotional deficiencies, and then continued to feed them until I ended up….