Reflecting on things past, I have noticed that my life has been a ride that many would not dare take part in.

Hind sight as they say is a wonderful thing, but pause for a minute… I question would I have it any other way? No I dare say I would keep it as it has been.

It is not that it has been a disaster, simply a journey with many obstacles.

A few years ago, I was sitting in a hospital room thinking to myself that I had been dealt the worst of cards. That God was punishing me for something I must have done before, or even in a past life. How events had transposed was beyond belief "instinct" had warned me prior and yet I insisted "ever arguing that fate is a fantasy, conjured up by those that had no determination"

Oh how wrong I was!! …

Fate/Belief is actually the only thing that is certain to drive your life. For example if you "think negative thoughts, these always manifest and as they do it becomes a cycle of negative on negative" plunging you ever deeper into a pit of negativity and self doubt..

I had entered this pit, and as always the story starts with a girl or boy, in my case a girl one I had the misguided notion that she was the "one" the girl of my dreams. Anyway this dream carried on for two or maybe three years (just goes to show how wrong I was if I can't even remember the exact time line) anyway … I was at university, we were countries apart inevitable circumstance because I wanted to to complete my education, she on the other hand came from a different upbringing, and did not care much for four years behind books. So the journey went, airports and taxies every other month. We were doing this unaware to her parents..(her father was an unpleasant man, racist, violent and a drunk) yet knowing this I pursed. I thought to myself "I will take her out of this hell hole" in my infinite "nobility" and desire to make things right and honorable …

I approached him, one afternoon… this one act would become the single most "influential act in my life" the events that would soon unfold were almost "cinematographic" in the way they flowed…

we had the love struck teenagers – the unrelenting parents – the corridor – the nosy neighbors …

And so full of courage I embarked on this, uncertain mission.. my instinct telling me that it was wrong, turn back, walk away!!

I should have paid more attention to it….

I began walking down the corridor, I had made that walk many times over in my head but that day it felt like it went for miles. The corridor looked surreal almost hallucinogenic the walls changed as I passed each door edging ever closer. The air felt thick unbreathable. And yet with the valiant bravado of a warrior I continued until I reached the door, I hesitated for a second "should I or should I just not" walk away the voice said. Its going to end badly…

All I could think of was what we had discussed earlier that day… "today is the day I am going to talk to your father" I was not about to go back on my word! not when I am staring at the door its just a knock away…

And my arm raised, fist clenched in its rightful position, movement ready… "here goes nothing"

(Knock knock) …………………. footsteps, oh oh heart pounding at this point, its too late son you have put yourself here now you have to go through with it.
 

The handle creaks in the opening motion…the door begins to slide …revealing what would shape me as a man!! the day of the reckoning had come!